Now just as he is getting comfortable with all that chest hair and rope-like chains, they tell him that he should be an ubersexual-who is supremely confident, without being obnoxious; masculine, yet stylish and committed to uncompromising quality. He has to show he is an Alpha Male with an A-list wardrobe. In short, if the new Men's Vogue has got it right, every Indian man has got to be like George Clooney.

METRO-SENSITIVE

Shawar Ali, Model-actor : "I can't cry in public. I am most comfort-able crying my heart out with my mother."

Firmer abs, smaller gut, bigger pay packet, greater sex drive. Truly, it's tough to be a man these days, with definitions changing faster than women's expectations. As writer Jaideep Sahni puts it, "Just as you get comfortable with a particular kind of look, another one is thrust upon you. It's the age of disposable personalities. And the obsolescence is happening faster than ever." Sociologist Shiv Visvanathan finds that men have developed two selves: "There is the macho man who occupies the public space-he is marked by his progressive professional aspirations-and there is the hunter-gatherer who may need the help of the woman to climb his way to the top socially without letting it interfere with his patriarchal values."

He is protective of his male turf, proud of his role as provider and content to let wives be "second-income earners". A new comparative study by Leo Burnett of 550 men between the ages of 18 and 65 in Mumbai, Delhi and Bangalore shows Indian men stand out for their schizophrenia across the 13 nations surveyed.

MACHO ADO

Waseem Khan, Photographer: "Men have to be tough to be able to protect women from other men in their lives."

Here's why: about 40 per cent men surveyed said it would bother them if their wives made more money than them, compared to just 8 per cent in the US; over 50 per cent said it is important for the man to be the breadwinner of the family, as against 20 per cent in the US and France; while 45 per cent said being a man means being physically tough, compared to 16 per cent in Brazil. "Psychologically and physically, men have to be tough to be able to protect women from the other men in their lives," reasons Bangalore-based photographer Waseem Khan.

At the same time, 78 per cent men said they would choose a "significantly lower standard of living with the man working and woman staying at home" over a "significantly higher standard of living with the man staying at home and the woman working"-a definite deviation from countries like the US and France, where two-thirds of men opted for higher standard of living over the role of provider. "No matter how liberated the Indian male becomes, there is a deep-rooted conditioning which is very difficult to shake off," says Bangalore-based writer, actor and 36-year-old singleton Aporup Charya. Yet a majority does not regard women as a serious threat, perhaps because Indian women seem adept at not challenging power relationships at home and work, even while getting their own way.

ROLE REVERSER

Bijon Ray, One-time filmmaker: "It is still unthinkable that a male guest can help in the kitchen like a woman."

It may explain the kind of silent criticism 45-year-old Bijon Ray from Kolkata faced when he decided to opt out of the work force. A one-time documentary filmmaker, he left his job two-and-a-half years ago when his son Sufi was born, so that his wife Paroma, a 31-year-old hr consultant, would not have to leave hers. He cries at the movies, helps out in the kitchen and dresses and speaks well. At the time Ray quit filmmaking, he was making more money than his wife. He knows his friends are derisive of his stay-at-home status. "Some laugh behind our backs. Even my landlady was initially taken aback," he says. The domestic addresses him as "Sufi'r Ma" or "Sufi's mother". He doesn't mind not earning. He admits to being confused for a while, thinking that he would have won an award for his films by now or made a name for himself. But now his measures of success have changed. "I believe bringing one's child up is one of the greatest successes. Now I know how much my mother did for me," he says.

Ray seems to be an exception. For most men, masculinity equals making money. Nearly 40 per cent of Indian men voted for "lots of money" as a clear sign of a man's success in life, way ahead of "a good marriage" and "successful kids". Among the younger men, money almost totally overshadows all traditional bases of power like good birth, knowledge and academic degrees. The younger men believe that money can buy all of these, and more-which may explain the success of the likeable con characters in Bunty Aur Babli. Not surprising, 65 per cent said they would like other men to see them as intelligent, which translated into "streetsmartness" and the ability to "get around the world". It's what Leo Burnett National Brand Planning Head Rajeev Sharma calls the man's move to being like Krishna rather than Ram. "Sacrifice and duty have given way to charm and ingenuity," he says, calling it the Munnabhai effect. "Anti-authoritarian anger worked during the Amitabh Bachchan era, while the Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge hero exemplified by Shah Rukh Khan celebrated respect for the system. Now the values that used to be dominant are dying and new ones are on the horizon."

There are indicators of this aspirational self: almost 50 per cent of the men studied agreed that their significant others and they were equal partners. Much of it is because their wives have emerged as social partners. It is exemplified by small-town boy and now model/actor Shawar Ali. "When I was in Bhopal, I used to think that men were the breadwinners, while women should stay at home to look after the family. But since I moved to Mumbai five years ago, I have seen so many successful women around me that I believe that women must also have their careers," he says.

Yet, against a global average of 60 per cent, a mere 35 per cent Indian men agreed that they should share the work around the house with women. As psychologist Ashim Chatterjee puts it, "The change among men is a result of social compulsion. With a working wife he has to come home and cook, else he wouldn't get food." Even as Indian men discover the joys of the beauty parlour, 83 per cent of them said being successful in their career is a top priority, against just 52 per cent globally. Most men believe that to succeed at the workplace, one has to look good-43 per cent said they enjoyed shopping for new clothes, though less than 20 per cent said they liked experimenting with hair and skincare products.

Maybe Indian men are like Indian women, after all. Confused.

-with Swagata Sen and Aditi Pai.

Index