So often do they write about and make films on the lonely woman, and so often does she wonder, Bridget Jones-like, whether she'll be dead three days before someone finds her. And then, shaking such devastating thoughts from her system, like the hapless but adorable chain-smoking, Chardonnay-swilling Jones, look around, flirt a little, and maybe raise the skirt an inch or two.

And ever so often you find the very same women taking on the world. "So what? Being single and having sex are not necessarily a dirty combination." She is the ubersexual woman, as comfortable being single as she is open about her sexual encounters. She fixes her own computer when it crashes, puts on overalls to paint the kitchen and is not shy of sitting on a barstool alone, or, for that matter, asking a man out. She is not afraid of sex.

Which might explain some of the results of the India Today-AC Nielsen-ORG-MARG survey. While anonymous admissions came easy, those surveyed were not as forthcoming about details. The don't know/won't say bracket is, therefore, the highest whenever there are uncomfortable questions asked. For example, 28 per cent of the women reserved their comments about pornography, while 59 per cent of those who had gone out on a date said they did not tell their parents about it. Consultant psychiatrist Aniruddha Deb says that this dichotomy exists in today's woman because while she has been brought up to believe in traditional values, she now has to contend with a quickly changing world. "There is a definite improvement, but a woman still can't flaunt a relationship the way she can flaunt a husband."

So then, the big question presents itself: do single women love being single, or is marriage inevitable for them? Kolkata's Sakshi Verma, a 28-year-old ca, doesn't think the marriage versus relationships debate has to acquire the proportions of a battle of independence. She shared a flat with her now-husband before they married and sees no change in her status now. "It's just like you have a convenient arrangement with someone with whom you have emotional ties as well," she says.

The with-it, late-teens-early-20s girls, by virtue of being born 10 years late into the single woman brigade, are a little more liberated than their older sisters. Anandita Kar, a third-year student in Delhi, says that her current boyfriend is the best lover among all the ones that she has had. "And we always practise safe sex," she says. Anandita's sister Srimati, 18, who was in school till last year, is already blasé about sex. "During our college socials, there are corners reserved for couples who make out, while the rest of us dance in the same room. Nobody even looks at them," she says. For these girls, it is sex first, relationships later, and marriage a distant possibility.

Parents, though, have a one-point agenda. "We have been very free with our daughter. She can marry whoever she wants. But marry she must," is how Bangalore's Rameshwar Naidu, 54, a ca and father of 20-year-old fashion designing student Chetna, sums it up. There are young women who echo this as well. "I couldn't have a child out of wedlock. I don't have the guts," says Verma, who has a one-year-old daughter now. But some single women do not think so. "The idea of a relationship is to have someone in your life who you can be happy with," says Namrata Sudhindra, a 26-year-old dentist from Bangalore, who would rather be single if she does not find the right man. Deb deduces that the reason why women do not look at marriage as the be-all and end-all of life is because of their financial independence. Some singletons also feel that society can provide other means of emotional support that they can cash in on. Kolkata graphic designer Sharmistha Ghosh, 33, who turned single again last year, after being separated from her husband, leans on her girl friends when she feels low. "After all, all we need a man for is sex," she argues.

Then, her voice softens. "But we all yearn for someone to share things with," she says. There is hope yet. Even the fat, bumbling Bridget Jones had two men fighting for her in the end.
(Some names have been changed on request.

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