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I love cricket.
My boss-weird, cruel, callous little man-hates it.
I can visualise some of you nodding your
sage heads as you read this. You work for people who aren't excited
by the glorious, divine game that is cricket. You don't realise:
with my boss, it isn't a question of interest. He hates the game.
And he hates anyone who even evinces a passing interest in it.
I have managed to deceive him into believing
I know little about the game and don't much care for it, but the
coming month could change that. This will be my first Cricket World
Cup in this company. As luck would have it the matches are being
played in South Africa, Kenya, and Zimbabwe. That means most of
them are scheduled to start at 1.30 p.m. or 6.00 p.m. IST. Of the
six matches India plays in the preliminary round, five start at
1.30. And just one is scheduled for a Sunday. Two matches are to
be played on Saturdays, but we work six days a week, 12 hours a
day.
Some of my colleagues have resigned themselves
to watching repeat telecasts. Or not watching anything at all. Not
me. I have a fool-proof plan in place. This World Cup, I plan to
have my cake and eat it too. I won't share it with my co-workers-it
pays to be selfish about such things-but you, Constant Reader, have
a right to know. Read on.
1. Car
TV, anyone. My neighbour at work plans to smuggle in a TV
tuner card and install it in his pc. He underestimates our boss.
I know for a fact that he has the sys-ad scan all our machines once
a week for pornographic images, games, or evidence of use of MS
Word's CV template. I am going to make a mid-sized investment of
a few thousand rupees (fine, it is more than five) in a car TV,
one of those things that works on power from the car battery and
picks up any terrestrial signal. And over February and March I am
going to, one, fix up sales calls in places as far away as Noida
and Dwarka and two, hire a driver. I may miss out on set Max's superior
coverage-we all know DD's ability to miss the ball-but there are
things I can look forward to on these long drives: no interruption,
and no Charu Sharma.
2. Find
a friend. I have. I won't name him, or the company he works
for. All I can say without incriminating either of us is that he
works for one of our larger customers out of Mumbai. He'd like to
goof off and watch a match too-preferably, the Australia-India one
on February 15; we're both betting the Pakistan-India match on March
1 will be irrelevant, one way or another. So, we've scheduled a
meeting to discuss "serious customer satisfaction issues"
in Mumbai on the day. I'll fly down from Delhi, we'll hit one of
the pubs with a large screen television, and the boss will be none
the wiser. Moderation, is the key to the success of the 'find a
friend' approach-I won't be doing this more than once.
3. Work
on February 23. That's right, it is a Sunday, but you should
invent some work for yourself on that day. India plays Namibia on
the day and it'll either be a rout with our famed batting line-up
taking the opposition's bowlers to the cleaners, or an upset. I
am not very keen to witness either. The boss will be thrilled-not
only will I be working on a Sunday, but I'll be doing it on one
when India has a match scheduled. He'll never believe I am obsessed
with cricket.
4. The
ambush approach. Some of my colleagues do it all wrong: they've
downloaded real-time scoreboards from a profusion of sites onto
their machines, decorated their cubicles with assorted (and tacky)
World Cup paraphernalia, and prominently displayed World Cup calendars.
My cubicle is clean. There are no calendars on display. And I couldn't
care less about the live scorecards. The boss is sure to notice.
5. Find
a contingency. I have an aunt who has been ailing since November.
Everyone knows about her. My co-workers. And my boss. Which is really
strange because she doesn't exist. I could have always invented
her in February. But that would have been an amateurish thing to
do. Instead, I created her in November, skillfully wove her into
conversations all through December and January, and now, sometime
in February or March, I am ready to reap the benefits (courtesy
the Grim Reaper-pardon the pun, couldn't resist it). I won't use
her in a hurry-not in the preliminary round if I can help it. Rest
assured, ailing aunt Asha will find the right time to bid goodbye
to this cruel world. Sniff.
6. Get
married. Actually, I have no plans of getting married right
now, but come to think of it, this isn't a bad way to take some
time-lots of time-off. Even my boss can't refuse me three weeks
off and I can watch the World Cup at Phuket, Goa, or Kumarakom.
My current girlfriend is keen on marriage, not so on cricket, so
if I decide to put this plan into motion I may have to go out there
and look for someone else. Hey, that's not a bad idea-imagine spending
even some part of your life with someone who doesn't appreciate
cricket.
7. Find
a new job. I considered this option in November before discarding
it. Reason: I hate change and the boss didn't steal any of my ideas
in both November and December. If he had, I would have gone out
and met some headhunters, circulated my resume, and landed a job.
With some fine-tuning, I could have put in my papers early in January,
served out my notice by the middle of February, taken the requisite
month off, and started off afresh in the last week of March. This
isn't something you can put into play now.
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TREADMILL
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| Why pump Iron?
 The
next time you're at a gym do a quick survey. Try to get a
close look at the people who are hooked on mainly cardiovascular
exercises. Tip: these will be those that throng the steppers,
the treadmill and the stationary bikes. Then cast an eye over
to the weights section and check those people out. I don't
mean the hunks who look like they don't do anything else but
work out each day, but the regular folks who do weight training
four or even three times a week, to tone up and strengthen
their muscles. Those whose workouts comprise predominantly
cardiovascular activity are likely to be more out of shape
than their peers at the benches and the multigyms. Why? Because
weight training builds and strengthens muscle. And muscles
burn calories not only during physical activity but also during
the period that the body is at rest. Increase your muscle
mass and you'll be increasing your body's capacity to burn
calories.
What about dieting to restrict calorie intake? You can lose
weight by eating less. But that alone is not likely to help
you. Research shows that diets that restrict calories can
also cause, along with loss of fat, the loss of lean muscle
mass. The idea is to follow a moderate diet and add strength
training to your schedule.
First-timers, begin your strength-training programme with
one set of exercises and a weight that allows you to complete
eight to 12 repetitions. Your workout should include exercises
for your legs, arms, chest and upper back. For exercises targeting
your stomach and lower back, increase the number of repetitions
with lighter weights.
Your weight is determined by the number of calories you
consume and the number you burn for energy. If you consume
more than you burn, you gain weight. To lose weight, you can
either eat less or be more active or do both. Doing both is
what I'd recommend.
Here are some key points to keep in mind. Do not lower caloric
intake to less than 1,200 per day. With less, your metabolism
may become so slow that your body will have to work harder
to store calories. Try to burn 300-500 calories a day through
exercise. Decrease calorific intake no more than 500-750 calories
below what you need to maintain your current weight. Adjust
that number as you lose weight. By the way, don't lose more
than two pounds a week. That's considered a healthy weight
loss rate. (Next fortnight, Treadmill will talk about how
much you should consume.)
-MUSCLES MANI
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